{"id":461,"date":"2016-10-30T15:14:19","date_gmt":"2016-10-30T15:14:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.normanclaringbull.co.uk\/?p=461"},"modified":"2016-10-30T15:14:19","modified_gmt":"2016-10-30T15:14:19","slug":"blog-post-novdec","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/normanclaringbull.onplexaweb.co.uk\/index.php\/2016\/10\/30\/blog-post-novdec\/","title":{"rendered":"BLOG POST Nov\/Dec 2016"},"content":{"rendered":"

THE SEASON TO BE MERRY?<\/p>\n

According to the TV, the newspapers, and the displays in the shops, it\u2019s the party season. Halloween, Fireworks Night, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Xmas, New Year, it\u2019s all \u2018fun, fun, fun\u2019. Everybody\u2019s cheery, everybody\u2019s having a great time. \"sad-tiny-christmas-tree\"<\/a>Friends are gathering. Families are merrily reuniting. Peace and joy abounds. Well, that\u2019s the theory anyway. The reality, however, is often quite a different matter. The fact is that for lots of people, all this supposed seasonal cheerfulness and good-will is a much a fantasy as Santa Claus, Old Father Time, and the Tooth Fairy. For those who have problems in connecting emotionally with other people, for those who lead isolated lives, unfounded beliefs about everybody else getting together and having fun only serves to emphasise their own loneliness, their own despair, their own joyless existence. Even those who seem to be better connected socially are not necessarily any happier. For example, people who are struggling with over-stressed interpersonal or inter-family relationships, often find that the enforced extra contact time with their \u2018loved ones\u2019 over the holiday periods is more of a curse than a blessing.<\/p>\n

In the world created by the TV programs, the films, and the glossy magazines, everybody is beautiful, everybody is successful, everybody is happy. When we compare this false reality with our own lives or with the lives of our friends, then it\u2019s easy to see why people can start to feel very inadequate. We ordinary people can be lonely, we can make bad choices, we can be in crumbling relationships. Compared to the supposed perfections of the \u2018in crowd celebs\u2019, most of us fall very short. Is it any wonder that we get depressed and anxious? \u00a0That\u2019s why this supposedly \u2018fun\u2019 time of the year often only makes sad lives even sadder. This is the time of year when our supposed \u2018failures\u2019 and \u2018shortcomings\u2019 are brought even more sharply into focus. For all too many of us it\u2019s not such a merry time at all.<\/p>\n

However, no matter how tough life can be, no matter what the problems are, life doesn\u2019t have to be all doom and gloom. There are steps we can take to make the world seem a better place. Not necessarily all the time, but certainly for some of the time. The first thing to do is to take stock of yourself. How did life use to be? What\u2019s it like now? What\u2019s changed? Then think about what you would like to achieve. A word of warning – don\u2019t try to go from zero to hero in one mighty bound. Instead, to begin with, just think about a small step that you could you take that might make a small difference. Is there something that you have been meaning to do for ages but somehow kept putting it off? Perhaps you could go for a walk in the park, listen to some of your favourite music, give yourself small treat, do somebody a favour, call that friend you are always meaning to get in touch with, clear out that cupboard.<\/p>\n

It’s funny how we can fall into the trap of always thinking that things will always go wrong or that our efforts will always fail. Once we fall into the \u2018I\u2019m a loser\u2019 trap it\u2019s hard to get out. After a while, being negative about everything becomes in-built and this can stop us from even trying to make any changes in our lives. Why bother? Nothing ever goes right!\u00a0 Psychologists believe that this seemingly in-built, self-destructive, viewpoint on life is the result of what they call \u2018Negative Automatic Thoughts\u2019 or \u2018NATs\u2019. Here are some examples of these NATs in action. Recognise any of them?<\/p>\n

THE ALL OR NOTHING TRAP<\/em><\/p>\n

Event: You are dieting successfully – one day you slip up and munch some chocolate<\/p>\n

NAT: It\u2019s all over \u2013 this diet is ruined \u2013 I might as well give up<\/p>\n

Positive Thinking: It\u2019s just one mistake \u2013 I\u2019ll just get over it and carry on losing weight<\/p>\n

THE CRYSTAL BALL ERROR<\/em><\/p>\n

Event: You have to take a driving test in order to get a promotion at work<\/p>\n

NAT: I\u2019ll fail – I know I will \u2013 If I resign right now I\u2019ll save myself some embarrassment<\/p>\n

Positive Thinking: I\u2019ll practice my driving and try my luck<\/p>\n

MIND READING MISTAKES<\/em><\/p>\n

Event: My next door neighbour has just blanked me in the street<\/p>\n

NAT: He doesn\u2019t want to know me anymore \u2013 can\u2019t blame him \u2013 I\u2019m no good<\/p>\n

Positive Thinking: Maybe he just didn\u2019t see me \u2013 is he OK – I\u2019d better ask<\/p>\n

There are loads and loads of these NATs. Could you think of some that apply to you and your way of looking at life? So what\u2019s the answer? Simple really. Identify that negative thought that\u2019s holding you back right now and act as if the reverse was true. For example, suppose that you think that you could never learn to play bridge, ride a horse, sail a boat, pass an exam \u2013 act as if you can learn and take a few lessons \u2013 you might surprise yourself. You won\u2019t succeed at all the things that you try but you definitely will succeed at some of them. Then, once you are OK at one thing, (I said OK, I didn\u2019t say become the world champion), then you can try the next thing. Carry on like that for a while and you will be surprised at just how much you can do. Not only do, but do well enough to be confident enough to try something else \u2013 and something else \u2013 and something else. \u00a0Keep this up and your life will get better and better. Keep it up for the next 12 months and I\u2019ll bet that this time next year, for you at least, it really will be the \u2018Season to be Merry\u2019!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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